Friday, March 4, 2016

Attacked By Perfectionism

     Zombies are constantly walking into and out of my life, dragging me down before I am able to push them off completely.  Often times, when one zombie leaves, another takes its place.  Zombies may not be present in this world in the manner that they are typically depicted, but they do walk this earth.  They are out distractions and our bad habits that prevent us from working to our full capacity.  We know how to "shoot" our zombies to get rid of them, but they always return.
     Being a perfectionist is the zombie that is constantly attacking me.  Perfectionism keeps me from ebbing efficient and effective in my work, even though I know that I can fix it.  If i truly applied myself to thing things that I am doing, then this zombie would disappear.  For majority of my school assignments, I will allow it to control me until the very last second.  This temporary elimination of my zombie is not enough to do my work to its full potential.  Lately, I have been watching crime shows in order to distract myself from actually applying myself to my work.  I can stop to just shouting off the TV, but instead I lie to myself saying that it is too interesting to shut off.
     I do not like doing things unless I am completely sure that it will be perfect when I hand it in.  Due to the fear of it not being perfect, along with the lack of effort that I have, I never truly apply myself to anything until the last second.  Often times, because I do things so last minute, it is never the quality that I want it to be.  The lazy perfectionist zombie prohibits me from applying myself, even with topics that I enjoy.  I find that the more I enjoy a topic, the harder it is to get rid of my zombie.  If I love the topic so much, then it should be easy for me to write, but instead I just want it to be even more perfect.  Even right now, I have waited until the last second to write this because I found it interesting, and it is not even close to as good as I want to be.  Instead of motivating me even more, perfectionism completely wipes away any motivation that I could have.
Despite all of the negative consequences for my perfectionism, I enjoy my procrastinating perfectionism since if I do it last second then I have an excuse for it being bad, where as if I use my time wisely and actually try, I do not have anything to blame but myself for it being bad.  This zombie is something this is always attacking, no matter how many times I push it away, it will return.



1 comment:

  1. Gabs, your last point is an interesting one...the fear that is associated with excuse. I wish you could see the great work that you produce and stop being so hard on yourself!

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