What If...

     What Ifs make up most of my life.  What if I get a bad grade? What if my grades drop? What if I do not get into a good college? What if I do not get a good job? What if I fail at everything?  Junior year so far has consisted of predominantly "What if.." questions.  Especially now that I am really looking into what I wish to do in the future and where I am going to go to college.  

     This past long weekend I went to visit a college.  This was the second time I went to visit a school, and I am going to another school this weekend.  Many people have questioned why I am looking so seriously this early on, but What Ifs are driving me to begin my search now.  I believe that the largest What If I am facing with college is, "What if I think this is the place for me but it is not?"  When coming to Saints I knew that I found the place where I belong.  Now with college, there are even more places to condor, and I am scared that I will make the wrong decision.  I have a friend that was completely set on one school and claimed that they would love it, and just transferred to another school.  What if this happens to me in college?  What if I choose the wrong career path and regret it later?  

     So many What Ifs surround college for me, and while looking early does little to help me relax, for me it is better than cramming it all to the end of Junior and the entirety of Senior year.  As much as I dislike the constant questioning of What Ifs, I know that these worst case scenarios are what make me into the person that I am.  What Ifs do not only apply to college for me, but surround me every day.  What if I don't put every possible answer in my homework? What if I am not writing enough? What if I let everyone down?  Majority of my questions surround school.  In particular, today we took the PSATs.  In my previous blog I already discussed how much I dislike standardized testing, but I still want to preform well.  Before, during, and after the test my mind was filled with these annoying questions.  However, these types of thoughts keep me from slacking off too much and not focusing on what I need to do.  I also have great friends that know exactly how to handle my What If rants.

     Lots of What Ifs await me in the near future with my continuation of the college search, but I know that if I use these to my advantage, the negativity of the What Ifs will morph into positive things and continue to push me to work to the best of my ability.