Am I a Bad Feminist?

     Feminism can mean many different things to many different people.  In Roxanne Gay's essay titled Bad Feminist, she discuses how difficult it is to accept the table of a feminist when there are so many negative connotations that come with it.  I myself am a feminist, but often times I agree with Gay's stance on feminism.  She says that there is a "notion that there are right and wrong ways to be a feminist."  To me, some feminists often contradict themselves.  They say be who you want to be, do not be forced into something you do not want to do, and stay true to yourself and do not act a certain way for other people.  But at the same time, they shame woman for wearing dresses, or wanting to have children, wearing make-up for themselves or even for complements, and many of the feminists who look down on woman for doing things such as these also do not include trans-women, women of color, and even men in their form of feminism.  These are the feminists who cause feminism to have a bad reputation and scare others away from identifying as feminists.
     Feminism is supposed to be the belief of the equality of the sexes, however, these women who reject and look down upon others taint the true meaning of feminism.  People have begun to believe that feminism puts men above women, rather than the two being equal.  Gay acknowledges this misconception and explains how it prevents her from taking on the true title of a feminist.  Instead, she simply calls herself a "bad feminist."  I believe that people like Gay who identify as "bad feminists" are often the one's with the true meaning of feminism at heart.  Feminism should not be a shameful title or a derogatory term.  It has been mocked and ridiculed and even turned into a joke.  The fake movement of "meninism," which takes the things that feminists fight for and warp them into something that further puts men below women.  Men should not be fighting against women, especially when feminism is meant to benefit them as well.  Men are held to unrealistic standards just as women are, but the opposite of what women are supposed to be.  Women are portrayed as over emotional, so men are "supposed" to never cry or show any emotions.  Feminism is not a one sided battle.  It is meant to improve the perception of both men and women, and some feminists scare people so much that they never even bother to look up the true meaning of feminism.

     The type of feminism that has scared Gay and many others away is also often not inclusive.  The rights of transgender women or disabled women are not fought for for nor supported.  The problems facing women of color are overlooked and swept aside.  Feminists who are LGBTQ are rejected by these elite women.  They hold themselves above other people and exclude those who do not fit their standards of a "perfect feminist."  Gay states that this form of essential feminism "suggests anger, humorlessness, militancy, unwavering principles, and a prescribed set of rules on how to be a proper feminist women."  Not only does this show how there is still negativity within the feminist movement, but it also provides a stereotype to be placed on other people.  Both men and women are immediately seen as angry or crazy when they introduce themselves as feminists.  These elite feminists are the ones who are dragging out the process of expanding the feminist movement.  In order to gain true equality of the sexes, feminists need to stop fighting each other first and focus on the bigger picture.
     Feminism to me is being yourself and being respected and respectful of everyone.  As long as the person is true to themselves, it should not matter what they do or how they do it.  Women can not wear make-up, or wear it for themselves, or even wear it for men.  This is the type of feminism that both I and Gay support.  Gay addresses the feminists that go against this belief throughout her essay, but in my opinion the best quote (which in a sense is also the saddest) is, "... I also want to be myself. Bad feminism seems like the only way I can both embrace myself and be myself."  I too would rather identify as a bad feminist, despite completely supporting the feminist movement.    It saddens me that feminism has been warped in a way that defeats the purpose of the entire movement.  I once had an entire argument with a friend about feminism where he said he was an "equalist" because he believed we should all be equal.  I had to explain to him that feminism and what he was describing was the same then.  He said that the thought that feminism put women above women and crazy women mistreating men.
     Despite the harmful misconceptions, I will still identify as a feminist.  Each and every person who joins the feminist movement with the true goals of feminism at heart, the true message will eventually shine through.  One person may not make a large difference instantly, but over time they will make a difference to the people surrounding them.  The more people they spread the true message to, the more the authentic feminism will spread.  I completely agree with what Roxanne Gay stated throughout her essay, and I appreciate how it reveals the internal conflict with stepping up and identifying as a feminist.